Butterfly Fly Away
by JusttMee123
Summary: A tragedy leaves Steve reeling and faced with the daunting prospect of raising his daughter alone. Inspired by one of the very few Miley Cyrus songs I like "Butterfly Fly Away" (before she went all crazy).
1. Chapter 1

_Inspired by one of the very few Miley Cyrus songs I actually like, Butterfly Fly Away._

* * *

Steve perched on the arm of the sofa and smoothed a hand over the sleeping girl's hair, careful not to wake her. He could feel the tears building up in his eyes again, burning and threatening to spill over.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her," he said hoarsely, his voice thick. "I don't know how to take care of a kid by myself."

Pepper appeared in front of him, holding out a mug of hot spiced cider. "Steve, if you need some time, I'm sure Katie would love to spend a few days with me and Tony. It's been a while since we got to hang out." Steve shook his head and looked back down at the sleeping three-year-old.

"No," he insisted. "No, I need her now more than ever. Thank you for the offer though."

"Well, the offer still stands for whenever you feel like you do need it. And if you want any help making arrangements, I'm here for that too. Whatever you need."

"I need Natasha," he murmured, "but I'm pretty sure you can't bring her back to us." He stood and picked up his daughter, his Katerina. She made a tiny sound in the back of her throat as he rested her little head against his shoulder. Her long arms and legs dangled down- she was getting so big too fast- and he wrapped his arms around her protectively. He said his good-byes to Pepper, kissing her cheek, and then left her apartment.

The car ride was absolutely silent, save for the tires turning against the asphalt. The drive home seemed to take much longer than it normally did, and by the time they got home all Steve wanted to do was curl up under his blankets and sob. With a heavy heart he carried his still-sleeping daughter up to her room and laid her on her bed.

"Daddy?" he heard when he went to grab her pajamas. He paused for a split second to steel himself, and then turned back around to face Katie, who was now sitting up on her bed and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Hey, Princess," he smiled at her, kneeling next to her bed and cupping the back of her head with his hand.

"Where's Mommy?" she asked, hey icy blue eyes staring straight into his own. He had to look away to blink away the tears and clear his throat. "Why are you sad, Daddy?"

Steve sat on the small bed and pulled Katie into his lap. The little girl snuggled into his chest as he hugged her close. He buried his nose in her hair as he tried to gather whatever courage he had left. "Mommy can't be with us anymore," he told her truthfully. "She has to go protect the angels up in Heaven. Do you remember what I told you about God and Heaven and all the angels?" He feels his daughter nod her head.

"But can I see her?" A few tears managed to escape at her question.

"Well, someday we will. Not for a long time, but I believe that some day we'll get to be with her."

"Oh."

"Come on, let's get you changed into pajamas. It's bedtime and you must still be tired." Katie nodded against his shoulder, and he quickly pulled the small nightgown over her head. As he pulled the blankets up to Katie's chin, she grabbed his hand and hugged it close to her body.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Sweetheart?"

"Can you sing to me?" He gave her another small, watery smile.

"Of course I can. Do you want me to sing the song that Mommy always sang? Would that be okay?" The girl seemed to think this over for a few seconds before shaking her head no.

"That's Mommy's song," she said in a small voice. "Only Mommy can sing it to me 'cause it's her song."

"Okay then. I won't sing it. I'll sing a different song." He knelt next to her bed again, running a hand over her head before starting to sing, opting for the song his own mother used to sing for him at night.

_Hush-a-bye  
__Don't you cry  
__Go to sleepy little baby…_


	2. Chapter 2

They stand in front of the school building, Katie half hidden behind him as she clings to his pant leg. Around the schoolyard there are about fifteen other five-year-olds that are doing the same thing, and fifteen mothers and fathers trying to coax their children out from behind them and toward the classroom door.

"Daddy I'm scared," he hears Katie admit. He bends down to her level, playing with her pigtail as he smiles at her.

"Why are you scared, sweetheart?" he probes gently. He's momentarily stunned when Katie throws her arms around him but doesn't hesitate to hug her back.

"I don't want to go to school," she whispers in his ear. "I don't know anyone. Can't I come with you? I want to play with you and Uncle Clint and Auntie Pepper and everyone." She pulls away and pouts at him.

"Katie, we talked about this," he reminds her. "Remember what you told me you wanted to be when you grew up?" She nods emphatically.

"Of course I do, Daddy," she giggles lightly. "I want to be a super-spy!"

"And do you remember what I told you?" Katie shakes her head no, but the small smile she's trying to hide tells him otherwise. "I told you that you had to go to school to learn how to be the best super-spy there is."

Steve stands and takes Katie's hand as he guides her toward the door. Katie sticks her free thumb in her mouth, something she had stopped doing a long time ago. She stops short a few feet in front of the door and tugs sharply on her father's arm.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Do I have to go?" She looks up at him with those big pleading eyes and he's almost tempted to give in. He bends down to her level once more.

"What's this about, Katie?"

"I want Mommy to be here," she says, and he can see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Oh, sweetie." He pulls her close, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"You said we would get to see her again some day," she whimpers. "It's been a really, really long time now and I wanted her to be here. You said we'd get to see her again."

"Yes, I know I said that," Steve says, pulling back a little bit. "What I meant was that it would be a very, very long time before we got to see Mommy again."

"But it _has _been a really, really long time."

"It has," he agrees, "but we're going to have to wait quite a while longer."

"How much longer?"

"A lifetime, sweetheart. We won't get to see Mommy until we have to go to Heaven too, and hopefully that won't be for a very long time." He smiles slightly at her, but she just stares at him in confusion.

"But don't you want to see Mommy really soon? Why can't we go to Heaven to see her? I miss her lots and lots."

"Of course I want to see her," he says. "But I want to wait a little bit to see her. It's complicated, Katie. We can't go to Heaven to see her because once you go to Heaven you can't come back."

"But I miss her." She sniffles as a few tears roll down her cheeks. Steve brushes them away with his thumb and hugs her again, breathing in his little girl's scent.

"I miss her too, Katie. I miss her a lot. And I'm sure that she misses us too, but I know she knows that we love her."

The teacher steps out from the classroom then and greets the students and their parents. After a minute or two, she calls the kids into the classroom.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asks Katie seriously. She shrugs her shoulders noncommittally and gives him a forlorn look, and she looks so much like her mother that it steals his breath.

"I guess so." He gives her another smile and a kiss before he gently pushes her toward the classroom door.

"Go on, Katie," he urges. "You'll have fun, I promise." She nods and hugs him one last time before entering the classroom. As Steve turns away he has to fight back his tears; His daughter, his only child, was starting school today, and his wife couldn't be there to share this moment with them. And he'd had no idea that Katie was still missing her mother- she never asked about her or gave any other indication that she missed her. He hadn't known that Katie even remembered what he told her the night her mother died.

When Katie had said she wanted her mother to be there today, his heart had broken for the both of them. He still hasn't told her what happened that night, and he's not sure when he will. It still hurts too much, and Katie is still too young. She wouldn't understand it all and he doesn't want to put her through that just yet.

Bruce and Clint pick up on his somber mood right away, but they don't ask too many questions. He tells them that it's just been a bad day and they take his word for it, instead bringing him up to speed on the mission he's supposed to helping them with.

After Natasha had died, Steve had immediately requested to be taken off of active duty. Naturally, Fury had a fit and was about to deny his request, until Steve had explained his reasoning. He was the only parent Katie had left, and the last thing he wanted for Katie was for her father to be taken from her in the same way her mother had been taken. Fury had eventually agreed on the condition that Steve stuck around to at least help with Intel.

He spends the majority of his day worrying about his daughter, but as soon as he pulls up to her school at 3 he can see it was for nothing. She's standing under a tree with another little girl and she's actually laughing, despite the morning's rough start. As soon as she spots him she waves goodbye to the little girl and runs over to the car.

"Hi Daddy!" she chirps happily as he scoops her up into his arms. He smiles at her and tugs on her pigtail.

"How was school, princess?"

"It was really really good! My teacher, Mrs. Finnegan, is super nice and I made a new friends and her name is Arianna and she says she only had a daddy too and we played pretend at recess!"

"Well, you'll have to tell me all about it."


	3. Chapter 3

He stands just around the corner from the other room, hidden from his daughter's view. He can hear her talking to Peyton, the golden retriever puppy he'd gotten her a few months ago. She never seemed to be able to open up to anyone and he'd gotten concerned. Bruce had told him that maybe having someone to talk to that wouldn't talk back might help.

"Do you remember your mom?"

He dares a peek around the doorway. Katie was lying on the floor next to the puppy, her back to him as she petted the dog's back lovingly. Peyton had his favorite toy pinned underneath his oversized paws and was alternating between ripping it apart and wagging his tail at Katie.

"You were really little when you were taken from your mom, weren't you? I'll bet you don't remember her much."

Steve withdrew back around the corner again. He knew he should talk to Katie, comfort her and talk about Natasha if she wanted to. But it had been so many years now, almost nine, and she'd never asked him about it and he'd never found the guts to bring her up. He knew Katie must have a lot of questions, but he wasn't sure if he could answer them without crying.

"I don't really remember my mom that much either. I do remember the night she left though. I remember it really clearly."

He lets out a shaky breath at that, trying to wrap his head around it. His Katie can't remember her own mother, but she can remember the night she found out her mother had died. He didn't know what to do with that information. It made him feel like his insides had exploded and his heart broke for her. He knew what it was like to lose your mother. It was something he had never wanted to have in common with his daughter but something that had happened anyway.

"I think she smelled like vanilla," Katie continues. "And I remember the song she used to sing."

She begins to hum the melody of the lullaby Natasha used to sing to their daughter, the one that hadn't been sung in their house since Katie was only three years old.

He remembers the first time her heard her singing it. It had been just a week after they had brought Katie home, and they and woken in the middle of the night to her screams once again. Natasha had told him to go back to sleep, said that she would take care of her, but he followed her instead. The door had only been open a crack, but he had watched as Natasha sat in the rocking chair with Katie, trying to soothe the infant. To this day he could still hear her singing the words.

"I don't know if I really miss her."

Katie's voice draws him out of his reverie again. He finds himself leaning closer to the doorway, hanging on to her every word.

"I mean, of course I miss having a mom. But I can't remember her that well, and can you really miss something you don't remember?"

He knocks on the door then, making his presence known at last. Katie whips around, her eyes wide, and he just knows she's wondering how much he had heard.

"Hi dad," she says quietly.

"Katie? Can I come in?" He takes her answering shrug as a yes and settles himself on the carpet next to her. Peyton wags his tail and rolls onto his side as Steve sits. Katie reaches her arm out and rubs the little dog's stomach, smiling widely as Peyton seems to smile and close his eyes.

"So what's up?" She asks in an all too cheery voice. He smiles at her, knowing that she can probably see the sadness that lingers in his eyes.

"There's something I want to show you, Caterpillar."

* * *

_Sorry I've been absent for a little while. Finals and all that jazz._


	4. Chapter 4

He glances at his watch again, tapping his foot in annoyance. 10:23. She's late again, and he sighs.

He's in over his head, that much is clear. If he had thought that it couldn't get any worse before, he had been very mistaken.

Sure, the first few weeks after Natasha's death had been hard, trying to comfort his daughter and explain what was happening all while trying to adjust as well. Those weeks had been the darkest part of his life, with Katie being the only light he could see in the darkness. And sure, Katie had thrown her fair share of tantrums and he'd had to deal with them all alone.

And, to be quite honest, he wasn't sure how he made it through the week after he finally told Katie what happened, how her mother died. She had been absolutely inconsolable, asking him why people did such terrible things over and over. Every time he had said, "I don't know, Katie, I just don't know," he had felt like a failure.

But now…. Everything was different now. When she had turned fourteen Katie had started insisting on being called Kat. Then she had started at the local high school and decided that the punk/emo look was the coolest thing ever, dressing in dull blacks and grays and caking ungodly amounts of make-up on her face.

Then the calls started coming from the school, the secretary asking him if he could please come to the school as soon as possible because the principal wanted to talk to him about Kat. He watched as Kat lashed out in any way she could, and it was all he could do to chase after her and try to clean up the mess she left in her wake.

He heard brakes squeal as a black truck came to a stop in his driveway. He could barely make out two figures in the cab, but he knew without a doubt who it was. Sighing heavily, he pushed himself out of his chair and quietly padded to the front door, just as a dark silhouette ran up the front steps. The door opened and a figure tip-toed in, obviously trying to shut the door silently. He flicked the light switch on and crossed his arms.

"Katerina Virginia Rogers, what do you think you're doing?"

* * *

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

Steve startles out of his thoughts by Clint's teasing tone as he pulls a chair up next to his and slings his arm around his shoulders.

"Nothing. Everything. Just counting the things I wish I could have done differently." Clint grimaces slightly.

"Let me know when you hit the double digits."

"Yeah," he laughs humorlessly, "I think I hit that an hour ago." They sit in silence for a few minutes, pretending to get paperwork done. It's a rare calm moment in the station; no one's rushing toward a quinjet, only half in their suit, departure on a mission imminent. And Tony hasn't accidentally set anyone on fire yet. It's almost peaceful.

"I wonder if it would be any different if Nat was still here," he mumbles listlessly.

"Knowing Katie? Nah. Oh sure, maybe Natasha would've threatened to beat the shit out of the kid every time she acted out, but I don't believe for a second that Katie wouldn't have rebelled. It's normal."

"Sure it is," he snorts. "God, it's like she doesn't have any respect for me or my authority! She's just so stubborn and difficult, and I love her to death but, God, does she make me want to pull all my hair out."

"Yeah, she's definitely Natasha's kid, there's no doubt about that. But you know who else she reminds me of?"

"Tony?" Clint cracks a smile at that.

"Yeah, I can see it. But more than that, she reminds me a lot of you." Steve startles at the statement and glances at Clint. His friend grins at him. "You don't see it? I do. She gets her stubbornness from both of you, but she's also so determined. Once she sets her mind to something, she's hell-bent on finishing it."

"If only she would set her mind to something productive for once."

Clint frowns. "Well, she's not failing out of school, is she? She's getting decent grades and she's still playing tennis, right? And let me tell you, the kid is a natural at archery."

"What?"

"Nothing. My point is, you're focusing on the bad. Why not try and focus on the good?"

* * *

_Sorry that these are somewhat short. The next one will definitely be a bit longer._


	5. Chapter 5

He knocks on Kat's door and opens it without waiting for a response. The girl simply turns over in her bed so that her back is facing her father, and Steve lets out a small sigh.

"Katie. We really need to talk."

"Fine. Talk." She doesn't turn over and he can hear the hard edge in her voice clear as day. He crosses his arms and leans against the wall slightly.

"You were late for curfew again." No answer. "I know you're seventeen and you want to hang out with your friends, but I have my reasons for setting a curfew. And when you break my rules I feel as if you don't respect me. I think it's past time we talk about whatever issue is causing this behavior."

Kat snorts and sits upright at that. "Oh, you want to talk about respect and talking? Okay. Let's talk about the fact that we _never _talk. Every day I come home and you ask how my day was and I ask what you did at SHIELD and that's it. The only time you ever want to talk about something else is when I'm in trouble. For Christ's sake, it took you eight years to tell me what happened to my mother! Because, you know, it's not like I was missing her too. You're not the only one who lost her that day."

He can feel the tears burning his eyes and he crosses to sit on the edge of Katie's bed. "Katie-"

"Don't call me that," she snaps. She scoots as far away as she can get from him on her bed.

"-I was hurting so much in those months after your mom's death. Most of the time I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I did because I knew you needed me. I stopped going on missions so you wouldn't have to worry about losing me, too. All I ever wanted was to protect you and give you all the best things in the world."

"But Dad, all I wanted was for us to talk about Mom. I just wanted to know what she was like. I don't even have a picture of her. I know we have them, because I remember seeing them, but then you took them all down and put them away. It felt like you were trying to erase her."

"I definitely didn't want to erase your mom. But Katie, you were so young. I didn't know how to explain to you what was going on and I didn't want to upset you even more." Katie swipes at the tears that are now running freely down her face.

"And meanwhile I didn't know anything about what happened. For the longest time I didn't know what to tell people when they asked what happened to my mom. Yeah, when you told me she was killed it hurt. But at the same time it was almost relieving because I finally knew what happened to her. You only told me that she had to leave. You never said she died. Not till I was eleven, anyway. And to this day I don't know where you buried her."

"I know, and I am sorry about that. If I could go back and change it all, I would." Steve opens his arms to Katie and she curls into his embrace.

"Tell me about her. Please. I want to know her."

Steve pulls out his wallet and takes a worn photo out. He looks at it for a second before handing it to his daughter. "That's my favorite picture of her. Your uncle Clint took it and caught her off guard. Actually, this was before we even started dating."

"She was beautiful."

"Yeah. Yeah she was. You look so much like her that it stuns me from time to time."

"I do?" Steve nods and Katie's hair tickles his cheek.

"Obviously you got your hair from her," he says, tugging on a lock of Katie's bright red hair. "But your nose and smile are hers too." Kat touches the tips of her fingers to her lips and Steve isn't sure she's completely aware that she moved her hand at all.

"You were the center of her entire world," he continues. He smiles as he recalls those first few days after Katie was born, how Natasha had insisted he drop everything and come look at what their daughter was doing because it was so damn cute. "She used to call you Katya."

"Katya?" Steve nods.

"It's a Russian derivative of your name. Sort of like a nickname."

"Katya…" She says again, trying it out on her tongue. It makes her wonder about another life she could have had, one where she grew up listening to her mother calling her that.

"After you were born, I tried to convince her to retire from the team. She refused, saying that now she had all the more reason to stay. She remained an Avenger because she wanted to make the world safer for you. We both knew that she couldn't eliminate every single threat on the planet, but she gave it her best shot."

Steve pulls another picture out of his wallet and offers it to Katie. As soon as she glanced at it, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Her mother was holding a much younger version of herself; Katie couldn't have been much older than two in the picture. Natasha wasn't even looking at the camera in the picture, she only had eyes for her daughter in her arms.

"Can I keep this?" She asks, her voice wavering. She barely sees Steve nod out of the corner of her eye. "I miss her so much."

"Me too, Katie."


End file.
